The hole of not being good enough.

The hole of not being good enough.

by Marnix Pauwels | nov 28, 2022 | Addiction, Anxiety, Awakening, English, Insights, Love, Parenting, Personal, Purpose and Meaning, Relationships, Spirituality, Typically Me

An addiction to admiration, attention, and appreciation. That’s a thing. I know, because I have it. It’s there, every single day. And it’s a very, very sad thing, not because it’s so superficial or habitual or weak, but because it’s all about obscuring a powerful,...
Breaking the habit of feeling bad.

Breaking the habit of feeling bad.

by Marnix Pauwels | nov 21, 2022 | Addiction, Anxiety, Awakening, Coaching, English, Insights, Love, Parenting, Personal, Purpose and Meaning, Relationships, Spirituality, Typically Me

For a very long time, whenever people asked me how I was doing, I said ‘Not good.’ Most of the time that was actually correct. Many times it was not, not really. But it was how I looked at myself, how I regarded my life, my body, my future, my world. I just didn’t see...
The Power of Shame.

The Power of Shame.

by Marnix Pauwels | nov 20, 2022 | Addiction, Anxiety, Awakening, English, Insights, Love, Personal, Purpose and Meaning, Relationships, Spirituality, Typically Me

Maybe my ambition was actually shame. It makes a lot of sense. How else can you achieve things that most people deem special and amazing and extraordinary, and hardly feel a fucking thing? Well… Shame can’t be compensated by achievement. The universally nagging...
Feeling freedom.

Feeling freedom.

by Marnix Pauwels | nov 20, 2022 | Addiction, Anxiety, Awakening, English, Insights, Love, Personal, Purpose and Meaning, Relationships, Spirituality, Typically Me

So this is how it happened. And WHAT happened. First and out of nowhere, I realized that I had truly taken on many of my parent’s traits (stuff I actually hated about them like nothing else). A lot of specialists had told me this but I couldn’t accept it. Not for...
Time to start feeling.

Time to start feeling.

by Marnix Pauwels | nov 19, 2022 | Addiction, Anxiety, Awakening, Coaching, English, Insights, Love, Parenting, Personal, Purpose and Meaning, Relationships, Spirituality, Typically Me

It seems that my last few posts have touched a nerve. A good one, I guess. After talking about seeing how I’ve been deluding myself for a long time, betting on hardcore spirituality and an obsession with positivity, many people commented either in public or...
Finally healing.

Finally healing.

by Marnix Pauwels | nov 15, 2022 | Addiction, Anxiety, Awakening, English, Insights, Love, Parenting, Personal, Purpose and Meaning, Relationships, Spirituality, Typically Me

If you could see me now, you’d see a huge wound with eyes and a beating heart. A wound with a body around it. 54 years old and only just now recognizing the amount of pain and shame and crap and the tendency to self-harm and self-pity. There’s so much of it! In the...
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