I’m afraid to be big so I play small.

I’m afraid to be big because big is bad.

I’m afraid to be big, for big means being exposed, out in the open, vulnerable, open for judgment and personal attacks.

Not good.

I’m afraid to be big because small feels much safer.

I’m afraid to be big because it’s all I know (and what I know feels comfortable).

I’m afraid to be big because that way I can’t fail (even though I feel like a failure anyway).

I’m afraid to be big because that will put other people in my shadow and they’ll hate me for it.

I’m afraid to be big because that would mean big changes and I don’t like big changes.

Or small changes.

Or any changes, really.

I’m afraid to be big because what if I can, what if I am, where would that take me and will I be alone, forever?

I’m afraid to be big because I don’t think I possess the skills.

I’m afraid to be big because I’ll become a shining example for others and what if I don’t have what it takes?

I’m afraid to be big, but I really WANT to be big, because I just know that big is my true nature, I just know that being big is what I’m here for, and when I’m big who fucking cares about openness and vulnerability and judgments and shadows and people who want me small like they’re used to?

I’m afraid to be big, but that’s only the tiny old me, the old me.

I’m afraid to be big but I’ll use the fear to grow and expand and ignite and fuel because I no longer fear the fear.

I’m not afraid to be big.

I love being big.

I AM big.

I am HUGE.

A fucking GIANT, that’s what I am!

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(Not feeling it? Get your ass over to my website and email me. We’ll wake up the giant within! www.marnix.nl)

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(Photo by @jor9en, for Unsplash)