It happens quite regularly at the beginning of my coaching sessions, especially with newer clients.

People who say they’re not really up for the chat.

People telling me they don’t really feel like talking.

They don’t really have anything to share, or they’re tired.

Or they’ve already talked a lot that day and believe they are good, for the moment.

Now that can be true, of course.

We do have those days and those moments.

But most of the time it’s bullshit.

And I know this to be true because I’ve been that ‘I have nothing to talk about’ person many times when I met with my coaches and mentors and teachers.

As a coach, situations like these used to freak me out because it felt like the client had just destroyed the foundations for our conversation, and it left me with the agonizing idea that I obviously wasn’t a very interesting and inspiring person.

I used to believe that I’d have to work REALLY fucking hard to bring them on board again while getting over my initial fear of being boring.

And I dreaded that, obviously.

Fortunately, those things change, insights come, and experience is earned.

Now I see the same situations as a great opportunity to explore and see and feel.

Looking beyond the initial statements of not really feeling like it, can be incredibly interesting and liberating.

Because there are a couple of causes that can create these situations, and none of them are what people normally think they are, or what they tell me they are.

One of the reasons for this type of lamentation is that many people feel deeply responsible for bringing juicy problems.

They truly believe that the only way a session can be valuable is when they bring obstacles and blocks and dire situations and put them on the table.

So when there’s nothing that comes to mind, when life seems to be fairly gentle and okay and unspectacular, or when they’re simply a bit tired or distracted or stressed, the easy way out is to not have the conversation at all.

Often they are not yet familiar with the natural flow of being in a safe, loving, and explorative container.

In line with this, there’s another interesting reason, where people have a deep distrust toward spontaneity and just wing it.

Many folks are totally uncomfortable when it comes to simply starting out where we are and then enjoying the ride from there.

They want to be fully prepared and when they’re not, it feels off and uncomfortable.

And there’s one more interesting belief.

It’s that most of us are subconsciously afraid of change (a very logical biological or neurological tendency), even if the change might eventually lead to an amazing life.

Entering a powerful conversation means taking a chance, it means the possibility that your world will be shaken to the core, and that you’ll have to get through old familiar things to create new ones.

It doesn’t really matter if we think that change is what we truly want if our deepest ideas don’t allow it and try to steer us away from possible shifts.

In those instances, it feels way better and less awkward to believe that you’re just not in the mood.

I would say with confidence that being resistant at the beginning of a session doesn’t mean a bad start.

It’s a really exciting opportunity.

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(Do you recognize this kind of resistance, this weird hesitation around creating the life you’d really love? Do you tend to switch between REALLY wanting things to be different, and feeling uninspired about it? Let’s break that spell and get you going! Mail me right now.)

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(Photo by @sammywilliams, for Unsplash)