You don’t have to choose.

It’s alright if you do.

But you don’t have to.

You don’t need to hold on to one view, one modality, one way of appreciating life and the many hardships along the line, and stick to it forever.

I totally see that for some people I might have changed my mind completely about what it means to live fully, just like that.

From nondual stuff (we’re just Oneness playing a game and we don’t really exist and Consciousness is all there is) to more physical or psychological stuff, more human stuff.

To ‘Nothing’s ever really wrong’ to ‘Nothing’s ever really wrong but it can totally feel that way and that is just as valid and it sucks’.

It’s not about camps and islands and schools of thought though.

At least: it doesn’t have to be.

You can believe whatever you want and whatever suits you at the moment, and you can change that too.

You can try to transcend the ego, or spend some quality time with your inner child.

You can smile when you don’t feel like smiling, and you can cry when you don’t feel like living.

I have seen too many modalities come and go to try and grab one and hold on to it until eternity, even though that does feel safe and comforting.

I just know there’s no way to understand any of this, to travel to the furthest edges of life and then settle back into perfection, forever.

Feeling lost is part of it.

Feeling superior is part of it.

Wearing a spiritual or radically rational mask is part of it.

Being stubborn or holier than thou is part of it.

And changing your mind is part of it.

Don’t make life more complicated by not accepting anything that’s not what you believe in.

Or do it anyway, as much as you want.

I did.

And I will probably do it again.

I will, whether there’s really a me, or whether it’s all nothing but a magical illusion.

We tend to think in stages, in levels, and that’s soothing and it provides us with a direction and a sense of growth and improvement and logic and specialness.

We like to turn around and look at the road we’ve traveled, the obstacles we’ve climbed, and the piles of old skin we’ve shed along the way.

‘Look, I made all of this up, and I survived, isn’t that amazing?’

And it is.

Until you hate it for a while and it feels incredibly useless.

Still, you don’t HAVE to choose.

You don’t have to pick a side and defend it against all the other sides.

You don’t need to convince other people that you REALLY know what this is all about.

But you can.

I did.

So what?

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(Photo by @mkwcalvin, for Unsplash)