Why do we feel bad when there’s really nothing to feel bad about?

This interesting phenomenon often comes up when I meet people for an introductory session, and they hesitantly tell me about their lives.

They share what’s good, all the elements that society considers to be important.

The partner.

The kids.

The job.

The friends.

The house.

The holidays.

The health.

The Wish List most of us aspire to, with all the first-world checkmarks.

Many people who have attained this Sum of Success feel embarrassed that this doesn’t fulfill them.

They somehow blame themselves for not being able to appreciate what they’re supposed to appreciate.

Instead of questioning the validity and the importance of the list, they question their own attitude and awful lack of gratitude.

This can be very confusing and painful.

And it’s also really, really common.

The reason we DON’T think it’s common, is that we hardly talk about this.

Just like violent, intrusive thoughts.

Just like the fear behind our polished arrogance.

Just like crippling FOMO.

If you have and live what you’re supposed to have and live in order to call yourself successful and happy, and you feel mostly empty, it obviously must be your fault.

Right?

Of course it’s not.

There’s nothing wrong with hitting everything on the list and collecting all of the stuff, but there’s no guarantee it will make you feel good.

In fact, well, it literally doesn’t and never will.

Because nothing in life that comes and goes is capable of doing that, let alone of doing that sustainably.

Being aware of that, there’s absolutely no shame in feeling unfulfilled with a garage full of cars, or even when you have just all the basics in place.

It’s just that the Wish List is not a genuine thing, it’s got nothing to do with feeling alive and joyful and content, even though most of us pretend it does, and hope it does.

Feeling like shit when you have it all, and feeling lost when the people around you believe that you’re a perfect example of making it, is a really normal thing.

It just tells you that it might be time to go and look within.

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(Photo by @zacharykeimig, for Unsplash)