I’ve explored many things that I learned to like, before they stopped making sense, and lost their attraction.

I’ve been enthusiastic about manifestation, but I see that as a fantasy now.

I’ve been a ‘free will doesn’t exist’-advocate before I realized that it does exist, but mostly as a helpful component of being human.

I’ve been lost in nonduality and Buddhism, Taoism and the 3 Principles, mindfulness, and all kinds of things that require dedication and practice.

And I’ve seen that there’s no need to do any of it.

That we don’t have to earn happiness, that wisdom doesn’t need to be acquired, that there’s nowhere to go.

But that we can travel like maniacs just the same.

All these years I’ve been going up and down, falling in love with one thing, only to lose interest and leave it behind after a while.

Does this mean I can’t make up my mind?

Absolutely.

I literally can’t.

Life is a 360 degrees miracle with the opportunity and freedom to believe in anything that seems helpful, rewarding, hopeful, or just interesting.

Opposites and contradictions and extremes are part of Oneness.

There’s nothing that’s not allowed.

And I’ve been floating in that for quite some years now.

Sometimes even the idea of ‘I’, or a person, seems totally weird.

It’s seen, right now, that this is not really the case, and the person I seem to be is part of the happening, an experience, just like thoughts and ideas and sensations.

But to try and avoid talking about the Marnix guy and deny the humanness of the experience, always results in unhelpful, forced, and complicated constructs.

And there’s no need anyway.

What I write is life in the moment.

What I write about is what occupies me.

There’s nothing definitive about it, it’s always just reflections, and ponderings.

I’m like a giant mind constantly falling in love with new things.

And after exploring them and wrapping myself in them for a while, the infatuation stops and I move on.

This is one of the reasons why I love writing so much: it highlights these different ideas and objects of interest, and makes me a little more aware of them.

Meanwhile, I’m learning to not care about being consistent in my observations and beliefs.

I don’t have to hang on to something because I did so yesterday.

Just like everything, the experiences of life I have are constantly changing.

It’s like a buffet.

I slowly walk past and taste stuff, sometimes stacking my plate and eating like a maniac, before the taste loses its enchanting qualities.

And I walk on.

This is why I can say one thing today, and talk about the opposite tomorrow.

AS life none if it really matters.

In life, it’s pure diversity, excitement, fun, and exploration.

I’m all over the place, all the time.

But, more and more, it feels like home.

—

(Photo by @sxth, for Unsplash)