I think I finally know what ‘acceptance’ means.

Or what it CAN mean, or be, at least.

And what it actually feels like.

It’s really new and fresh.

Acceptance and accepting used to be concepts that I carried around for a long time, things that confused me, things that seemed to get away from me, like exotic survival skills that I had to learn and own but could never really conquer.

I always thought accepting was an activity.

Something similar to agreeing to stuff.

Observing it, weighing it, then deciding to let it go.

I thought it was about being in charge, like you’re somehow superior to or above something, and now you choose to no longer let it harm you.

I thought it was like setting a bird free.

To me, it looked that way.

And of course I regarded it as a super tool, a method of wellbeing.

By accepting something it wouldn’t hurt so much.

I wouldn’t be afraid the way I used to be.

This made accepting very conditional.

There were goals attached to it.

It was supposed to make me feel better or make me look good.

It saw it as a magic wand that could delete all the stuff I didn’t like.

Yeah.

But.

Not anymore.

Because I realized that accepting is not an activity.

It’s not a (seemingly humble) way to get things done.

It’s not a trick or a scheme to feel better.

Accepting is a realization.

It’s knowing.

Knowing, but not judging.

Pure knowing.

Seeing the absolute direct truth of whatever is going on.

It’s simply acknowledging the beautiful inevitability of life.

It’s knowing the moment, seeing the moment, and realizing that it could have never been any different than it is.

Not on an intellectual level.

The intellect only allows for so much acceptance.

It has limits, which it will gladly and fiercely defend.

No sir.

True acceptance, at least the way I see it now, goes beyond that

It’s actually neutral.

Accepting is not about complying, it’s not the same as agreeing, and it’s also not a form of allowing.

Accepting is not the same as condoning, justifying, or even surrendering.

Those things still speak of levels, preferences, or opinions.

Accepting is not that.

Accepting is feeling the space around whatever happens.

It IS that space.

It’s seeing boredom as an experience, without the need to agree to it or do anything about it.

It’s seeing sadness, hate, hunger, pain, desire, grumpiness, being horny and deep despair without adding anything to it, without wishing it away, without the need to squash it.

It’s feeling whatever feeling there is, period.

It’s not like you’re allowing the universe to do what it does anyway.

It’s seeing that it can never be what it’s not.

It’s not even thinking that it’s perfect.

Because it’s not thinking.

It’s being with, being around, and being as everything that is going on.

Without any added layers.

Without wishing for a result.

It’s beyond being okay with life, because it’s also NOT being okay with life.

And simply noticing that.

It’s the sense of being.

It’s not being something, but being, itself.

It’s without any agenda.

Or preference.

Or even the smallest hope for a specific outcome.

And it’s including all of those things.

It’s not something you do, or don’t.

It doesn’t get you anywhere, except for where you already are.

Accepting is not about before and after.

It’s the purest now.

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(Photo by @bthjnr, for Unsplash)