I don’t really like it, but I also don’t mind sharing it.

There’s a lot of envy in my life.

I regularly experience moments of deep jealousy.

I see people’s success and I want it.

I see the stuff they attain and collect and own and visit, and it feels like it should have been me.

Definitely not all the time (and some days more than others).

But it happens.

So why don’t I call myself jealous?

Why don’t I just say ‘I am envious’?

Well, because I’m not.

And that’s a HUGE difference.

Hear me out.

I’m sharing this because we all live through confusing things and events like these.

Things we don’t really like, things that feel bad, things we are ashamed about, shitty things.

Things like judgment, jealousy, or wishing someone didn’t look so fucking hot all the time.

Things like wishing the other person wouldn’t be so lucky.

Things like comparing ourselves to others, and then losing the comparison.

Things we really don’t like to talk about.

Things we are likely to be ashamed of.

That’s why I mention them.

I’m sharing this because you can wake up to the fact that all this mental stuff, all this comparing and judging and shitty envying, is not really you.

You’re not willfully, consciously doing it.

You’re not bad, or damaged, or fucked up, and you’re most certainly not an inferior human being.

It’s not you doing it.

It’s merely learned, habitual experience that just happens.

It’s human creation, coming and going whether you want it or not.

It’s a mind doing mind stuff.

And you are so much more than that.

Now let’s talk about responsibility for this behavior.

Simple: you don’t have it.

The only responsibility you have is to not believe it.

That’s all, and it’s enough.

You don’t need to lose yourself in it.

Or constantly try to change it.

Or hate yourself for it.

And take it personally.

Because it’s not.

It’s not you.

It’s a human, mental event that comes with its own experiential, very convincing taste.

And here’s a question for you: if it WAS you, wouldn’t it feel amazing and rewarding all the time?

Does it?

Do you like it?

Do you really want it?

Exactly.

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(Photo by @choys_, for Unsplash)