I have a strange sadness.

A bittersweet, confusing feeling.

A sadness that is actually the byproduct of waking up spiritually.

It’s as if I’ve lost the sense to share most of my feelings with other people, face-to-face.

And that kind of sharing seems such a big and important part of a healthy friendship and being with people you love.

It’s just that realizing how our experiences are actually created, and how impersonal they really are, has somehow fucked up my inclination and need to complain, talk about my worries and sensitivities, or tell people I feel lost.

All those emotions are still as rich as they were before, as an experience in the moment, but they’ve mostly lost their urgency and relevance and reality.

And this makes sharing them rather nonsensical.

What’s the use of spilling your insecurities if you know they’re not real?

What good does it do to share your anger and confusion and frustration, if it’s obvious that they are temporary anyway?

Why look for help in a conversation, if it’s totally clear that fresh insights and inspiring solutions are waiting around the corner, no matter what?

So I more or less stopped doing that.

And, yes, I am well aware that this is a big fat first world problem.

Especially since waking up has given me SO MUCH more appreciation of life and love, so much more joy and courage and playfulness and awesomeness.

I know very well that this sadness, this present experience, will lose its impact in no time.

But I still wanted to let you know.

An incrementally happier life has its own weird impact.

That’s all.

Thanks for listening.

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(Photo by @wildlittlethingsphoto, for Unsplash)