I always say that I don’t do tips, but I’ll share one anyway.

This is an insight I had this morning that landed deeper than ever before (like really good ones do), and though I know that they are very personal, this one feels quite universal.

So…

‘If you meet with a person who is in trouble and freaked out about it, don’t be concerned with finding the solution.’

That’s the tip.

Let me expand.

For most of my life, I have been in a fierce problem-solving mode.

For myself AND for others.

Whenever I found myself in a situation that felt riddled with challenges, I immediately started to look for solutions and actions.

And although it’s a really human and normal thing to do, and obviously has its place in life, it’s not per se the most practical or helpful.

Here’s the thing: when a person comes to you with a problem or a challenge, what they really want is not the answer to their question.

What they want is to feel safe, to know that it will be okay, to have the notion that it’s not the end of the world.

They want to experience the space of being alright.

They just want to feel okay again, instead of lost.

If all you do is try to find the solution, you will probably get caught up in all kinds of (old) personal experiences and ideas and answers.

You start guessing, throwing possibilities at them, hoping one of them will stick.

And sometimes they do, that’s why we keep doing it.

But you don’t have to go there.

You don’t have to get it right, solve it, or fix it.

Just remember what the person in front of you is REALLY looking for.

Let them talk and vent and rant, let the storm die down.

Let their minds erupt and in the meantime, find that place within you that they are looking for.

Stay calm, relaxed, almost detached.

Don’t try to be like them: hysterically trying to find the next step, the next thing to do, the way out.

Don’t get infected with their raging and anxious energy.

Somewhere along the line people will slow down again.

Always.

Guide them there.

Be in that place, that state, for them, so they can unconsciously tune in.

Focus on the space.

And when the mind that was in a state of panic finally slows down, the world starts to look different.

This is where the light starts seeping in again.

The extra cool thing about taking people to a place of peacefulness instead of guessing what the next step in their lives should be, is that it’s a really creative space.

Often when people feel less caught up in their minds, when life doesn’t seem as complicated and dangerous anymore, answers and solutions start to bubble up organically.

This is a very natural thing, and natural and easy always works better than forced and stale (like suggesting your old solutions).

Don’t get caught up in trying to figure it out, or to be brilliant, because there’s already one person doing that.

True resourcefulness is found in a clear mind.

Solutions and answers and opportunities always arise, somewhere along the line.

It’s just a matter of time.

And that is really good to know.

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(Photo by @raduflorin, for Unsplash)