Sometimes it feels like I am almost losing my mind.

In a good sense.

It just appears that I am very close to transcending the story of Marnix, that it’s about to happen, that there is peace beckoning just around the corner.

And then the mind snaps back into place.

“You need me!” it says.

‘Without me, there is no you, no story, no importance, no safety, and you would be TOTALLY lost!!”

And it’s sheer automatism, sheer habitual response, that allows the mind to snap back into position.

Steadily behind the wheel.

Pretending to know what’s going on.

Pointing out possible dangers.

Accentuating what’s wrong.

Guarding us against evil.

For the ‘I’ we believe to be, the mind is absolutely essential.

It keeps the story going, it remembers and predicts, and creates an uninterrupted version of a human life.

But what we hardly ever see, is that the mind is literally nothing without attention.

It doesn’t even exist if it’s ignored by the light of awareness.

The only power it actually has… is telling us it has power.

Screaming, shouting, threatening.

“You need me, without me you are lost!”

Which is bullshit.

Because if there is no ‘you’ to begin with, there’s nothing or nobody to get lost.

The mind is its own guardian, its own biggest fan, and we have simply learned to obey it and get lost in it.

It tells us we wouldn’t exist without it.

But it is, in fact, nothing more than an appearance.

The mind is not the creator of life, it’s not the source of existence.

It’s a craftful storyteller, it’s the secret, commanding voice that keeps consciousness caught up in a very small version of itself.

And when it shuts the fuck up for a bit, we feel amazing.

When we are not lost in the drama, the predictions, and the judgments, the raw deliciousness of consciousness flows into awareness.

Flow.

The signs are so clear.

Stuff doesn’t bring happiness.

Status doesn’t bring happiness.

Reaching goals doesn’t bring happiness.

It just results in moments where the stressed-out mind is absent or temporarily ignored.

We feel good when we’re not lost in personal thinking.

When we’re no longer lost, we feel free.

The freedom that is already there.

I really hope you lose your mind today.

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(Photo by @dodji_djibom, for Unsplash)