Let’s talk about options.
Not just two, or five, but millions and millions.
All the options in the world, now and forever.
So what about them?
They didn’t exist, previously.
I never really had them (or even thought that it would be a possibility), before I cleaned up my act.
As a grown up, for decades, I just had a couple.
Anger was one.
Victimhood another.
Passive-aggressive behavior a powerful third one.
And there was jealousy, distrust and anxiety.
None of them very pleasant or inspiring.
None of them options you’d invite to brighten up your spring garden party.
But they were what I had to work with.
Conditioned responses, habits, automation.
The days were long and dark.
I just didn’t know.
I didn’t know that mental suggestions were just suggestions.
I didn’t know my thoughts didn’t really belong to me, and they most certainly didn’t represent me.
All this stuff that I took so seriously wasn’t the Me me.
(The Me that is also You.)
The Me that is always there, untainted by life’s hassle.
I didn’t know.
Then the waking up thing started.
And waking up and experiencing that Me created endless options.
When I stopped being guided and fucked over by burning impulses and itching animal instincts, I became aware of a space before everything that was just pure, peaceful and incredibly powerful potential (which is not only a nice alliteration, but also a different description for the Me that can’t really be captured in words).
Here I was, sweet spacious space, being the Me, watching all these things arise that I used to think were me or belonged to me (the small me, the personal me, the mental construction me, the Always Lacking me).
It blew everything open.
Because after a little getting used to, nowadays (at least most of the time) I get to sit front row in the Marnix play, and I can do with that spectacle whatever I want.
Believe it, indulge in it, fight it, laugh about it, ask for more or ignore it completely.
I have options.
Lots of them.
Instead of diving headfirst in whatever smelly programmed response expresses itself first, I just sit and watch and wait.
The momentum stays with consciousness, not with habituation.
And that opens up a whole universe of new possibilities.
Millions and millions and millions.
And the only thing I have to do, is pick the one that feels intuitively right.
The one that is the most Me.
Incredible.
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(Photo by @gwenking, for Unsplash)