I think I would have hated the me I am right now.

For most of the years that are now behind me, I would have probably deeply and publicly loathed the stuff I’ve posted recently, the things I talk about, the poems, the feelgood-shit.

So I totally get it if you sometimes (or often) think that my approach to life is way too simplistic, too optimistic, too naïve.

Always feeling good and putting it out in the world.

Being grateful and amazed and hopeful and, well, spiritual.

I get that it sometimes (or many times) can be daunting or even provocative to the personal mind that experiences life in a heavy and really serious way, to encounter my stuff.

I get the skepticism, the distrust, the ‘this is just too good to be true’-idea.

It is not the approach to life most people seem to find relevant and true.

The Rational Way.

The Realistic Way.

And so you might think that I’m suspiciously happy.

That it’s a setup, some fraudulent scheme, like I am desperately in denial, an emotional racketeer.

That I don’t see what’s REALLY going on in the world, the pain, the suffering, the confusion, the hatred, the polarization.

But to me it doesn’t feel like that at all.

It’s all very real.

I feel really good.

And hopeful.

And buzzing with energy, ideas, empathy and mental space.

There’s not a single moment that I have to try to look like I am doing well, that I have to pretend or force myself and behave like someone that I am not.

This is all natural and effortless.

High on life.

And I am smart enough to realize there’s no guarantee that it will last exactly the way it is right now, but that doesn’t bother me.

Even THAT doesn’t bother me.

(Yeah, I know….)

To the old, angry and scared me that would have probably hated the new me, I would say just this:

I feel you brother.

I really do.

Your time will come.

 

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(Photo by @jeremybishop, for Unsplash)