To almost give up.

To almost give up on a plan, a dream, on something substantial and important you really want or need to change.

What does that mean?

I’ve had thousands and thousands of moments in my life where I almost stopped and returned from the new and unfamiliar road I was taking.

Starting out fresh and full of hope, filled with bright images of future success.

And now.

Ugh.

These very specific moments.

If they could speak, they’d say

‘Fuck it.’

Fuck the non-drinking, fuck the diets, fuck the working out, fuck the writing another blog, fuck the restrictions, fuck the next attempt, fuck the boredom, fuck the total fucking lack of results, fuck all that.

And let’s get back to the familiar.

Aaaaaah.

Give it up.

Do it.

Just put on that comfortable old coat again.

Drink.

Eat.

Snort.

Dive in.

Indulge in forgetfulness.

Do it.

It comes with a huge sense of relief.

It’s overwhelming and powerful and enticing.

Give it up.

A soothing voice that comes from within.

A wave, building up.

A promise to be free from the pain of what’s new and unknown, to be guided away from the anxiety and frustration.

No more.

Just do it.

Give up…

Or don’t.

Simply stop.

And instead, stay awake.

Be nothing but that.

Awakeness, awareness, knowingness.

Let it pass.

Let it crash.

You see?

You see!

Still standing.

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(Photo by @htota, for Unsplash)