It seems like I’m always trying to figure out life.

The secret.

The manual.

The ultimate surrendering.

Non-doing.

Or doing shitloads.

Looking for answers.

Or trying to let the answers find me.

All that stuff.

And here’s the Fun Realization of the Day:

Even if I could, I probably don’t REALLY want to know.

What would happen in the (pretty unrealistic) case of getting it all, seeing it all, knowing it all, and having it all?

What would it mean to play the Game of Life and finish it, before it’s finished?

Thinking about this made me realize that it’s not really about finding the ultimate secret, manual, or surrendering.

It’s about the infinite ways in how this longing for truth can play out.

The age-old ‘journey vs the destination’-thing.

And it works!

My life is very, very rich because of the seeking and exploring.

It has made me feel really miserable and lost and divinely victimized for a long time, and it has also given me incredible amounts of joy and fascination and pleasure.

Up, down, high, low.

All because of this seeking energy, this urge for absolute recognition, and complete remembering.

I think about it, I write about it, I talk about it, and I ‘coach it’, if that’s even a thing.

Finding the ultimate answer would probably kill all that.

Now I must admit that there have been quite a few times where I believed I found it, all of it.

Those moments are really cool places to rest, but they never really last for a long time.

The ‘spiritual search’ is what keeps this character going, in ever so subtle ways.

Marnix and his human history are deeply infused with failure, triumph, awakening, and also many disappointments.

Looking for the ultimate answer is not something that has to be fulfilled, per se.

It just keeps it alive and interesting.

But what do I know?

..

(Photo by @slavromanov, for Unsplash)