I did some emotional calculations.

In my 54 years on earth, I must have been angry at least 28.647 times.

I felt depressed for almost 2 years straight.

I’ve been anxious more than 31.298 times.

Deeply annoyed for at least 8 months.

And I spent probably 1.8 years worrying, if you add it all up.

That’s ridiculous.

Absolutely bonkers.

Especially since I never think about it anymore.

Every single one of those million episodes, no matter what the feeling, is forgotten about once it’s passed.

Shitty moods, fucked up days: they don’t last.

They’re there for a bit, then leave.

And after they’re gone, they’re just gone.

Until, of course, they’re replaced by the same old stupid shit that feels as important and absorbing as the first time.

We hate those moods and states of mind, because we always forget that we forget.

Every time we feel like shit, it feels like the worst and shittiest time.

Like it never happened before, and went away.

This is because our moods are really convincing.

Today I had 18 varying instances of anger, 12 bouts of frustration, 5 attempts at worrying, and 37 moments where I felt a deep relief.

Or something like that (because: who’s counting).

What helps, in my case, is that I know this.

I know this very, very well.

This takes away most of the edge, even though emotions and feelings can be truly convincing, and still are.

It’s just that I’ve learned to keep it cool, most of the time.

To stay grounded, firmly connected to my inner neutrality.

Most of the time.

But that makes a world of difference.

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(Photo by @denizen, for Unsplash)