Last year, in July, I was just outside of Stockholm in an amazing Airbnb, when I watched myself in the mirror and thought:

Ugh.

What the fuck happened there?

I saw a body that was very much out of shape.

A body I somehow appreciated for what it had endured over the years, but deeply loathed from an esthetic point of view.

And there was mostly a complete disconnect between how I was feeling mentally and emotionally and spiritually, and how I looked.

I recognized that the vessel I have been given to live this particular life had been neglected and abused.

It really messed me up and I was very upset.

Vanity.

That is what stopped the decline.

Out of my utter frustration came a plan, a long-term plan, to change the way I look dramatically.

Because I somehow deeply realized that after taking such good care of my inner life in the last few years, it would just be logical to do the same for my appearance.

It just made sense.

My life has turned around SO much and SO dramatically, in the best sense possible, that I knew I could make it even better by seriously taking care of myself.

So I used my vanity to spark all of this.

I envisioned The Future Me, the Me with a slim and muscular and strong and fit body, and borrowed from that vision.

I saw myself, in shape, traveling the world, having amazing adventures, meeting people, feeling strong and powerful.

And that is where it started.

On August 1st, 2021, I took up journaling and started to write down everything I could think of, everything that bothered me, everything I doubted, and everything I dreamed of.

It was an amazingly insightful journey and still is.

I never held back and learned so much from this spontaneous process of writing without any restraint.

And then there was the practical, physical part of the trip.

I already fasted quite a lot and started doing it more.

I took up keto as a guiding principle in my diet.

I kept taking cold showers.

I worked out every day (and still do).

I did affirmations for a couple of months until I got bored and quit.

I meditated for as long as I liked it, and let that go too.

And every day I wrote about the cravings, the disappointments (the first two months of my transformation NOTHING happened, like my body was totally mocking me), the learnings, the hardship, and the many, many, MANY nuggets of wisdom and inspiration that arose.

I started this extreme regime because I simply couldn’t see myself getting fatter and fatter and unhealthier and unhealthier, while I am in such a magical and loving reconnection with life.

I realized that my happy state of mind deserved a happy body.

Vanity helped me in the beginning, and it kept me going when shit got tough.

Until all the little things grew into a new lifestyle.

And that is where I am right now.

Another transformation.

A gift to myself.

This has always been about me.

This is not about ‘just accepting who you are’ and therefore surrendering to a way of life that is actually detrimental to the physical body.

This is my very personal take on it.

And however YOU want to look at that, is your choice and your choice alone.

How YOU want to look and feel and be and what YOU want to accept, is your department, your struggle, your letting go, your journey.

And if that comes with a lot of extra kilos and you’re okay with that: awesome.

But I simply can’t stand myself being overweight, I just find it unattractive and distracting.

I want to look and feel good (which is subjective, of course) and I want to be as fit and healthy as I can, so I don’t have to suffer from too many ailments and diseases when I get older.

I love it when my clothes fit well, I love it when I feel strong and sleep deep and I even love the struggle against the cravings around shitty food, because there is much power in restraint and patience.

And I also love the shitty food but only indulge in it now and then, which makes the new lifestyle pretty sustainable and enjoyable.

Vanity created the motivation and the inspiration to start this fierce change, and the enjoyment of feeling good overall took over.

Vanity is awesome.

—

(Photo by @the_modern_life_mrs, for Unsplash)