Lately, it has been raining insights.

One of those really hit me yesterday, and although insights are mostly very personal and connected to time and context, I’ll share it with you anyway.

What I saw and what landed profoundly, while I was on my way to a coaching session, is how our responsibility is not really our responsibility.

Let me say that again:

Our responsibility is not our responsibility.

Because it was my insight it made perfect sense when it dropped, and for me, it’s a truly exciting notion to explore.

But I can also imagine that it seems contradictory and confusing to you, so let me tell you how I see it and why it feels so liberating to me.

Our lives come with many social agreements where we assume some sort of responsibility.

You get married, become a dad or a mom, start a business, organize a dinner party, accept a project, or aspire to create a healthy new habit, and all these things require your commitment and devotion and energy.

By adhering to a goal, whether on your own or in agreement with somebody else, you assume some obligation in creating and sustaining it.

As a coach, for example, I believe I have the responsibility to help my clients live better, more fulfilling, more exciting, happy, blissful, and liberated lives.

That’s why they pay me, so that’s what I aim for.

But…

I don’t have to feel responsible for fulfilling that responsibility.

Because if I feel responsible for the results all the time, I freeze up.

When that happens, I tend to take everything way too seriously, which interferes with my innate capability to be naturally awesome, resourceful, and focused.

The more relaxed I am and the less pressure I feel to be brilliant all the time, the more I show up authentically, fresh, with a clear mind and without the nagging necessity to push my client to a specific level.

The less pressure and the less inner judging, the more powerful my coaching.

It just frees up a shitload of energy and potential.

Pure, untainted presence is ALWAYS the most powerful state of mind.

And there’s no situation in life where it doesn’t give you an advantage.

Without a head full of strict ideas about how amazing it all should be and how impactful I am supposed to be or how smart and deep my questions need to be, I am a true force of nature.

I am totally open and way less preoccupied, and the chance we end up in a blissful, delicious flow is way bigger.

In other words: I get out of my own way.

So while I feel responsible for the results of my coaching from a bigger perspective, I also know that I don’t have to worry about it.

‘The responsibility is not my responsibility.’

It’s like when I take my daughter on a city trip and I want us to have a good time.

There’s no amount of pushing or worrying or wanting everything to be perfect that will magically make it into an adventure we’ll never forget.

Feeling deeply responsible for the results of our trip, and for all the elements that make up the entire experience, will take me away from being in the moment and enjoying whatever happens.

Of course I like to have a memorable, fun holiday, but the chance of that happening will be way bigger if I’m just curious and open and present.

And this is what I saw yesterday, deeper than ever before.

When the thought of responsibility paralyzes you (and it does, for most of us), when it cranks up the pressure and the anxiety, it always misses the point.

It is simply not helpful.

Life doesn’t need us to be overly vigilant and critical all the time, in order to run its course and be amazing and exciting.

On the contrary.

 

To me, that is truly liberating.

 

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(Photo by @matthewosborn, for Unsplash)