{"id":48187,"date":"2022-12-25T19:07:28","date_gmt":"2022-12-25T19:07:28","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/marnix.nl\/homepage\/welkom\/?p=48187"},"modified":"2022-12-25T19:07:32","modified_gmt":"2022-12-25T19:07:32","slug":"hello-tears","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/marnix.nl\/homepage\/welkom\/2022\/12\/25\/hello-tears\/","title":{"rendered":"Hello, tears."},"content":{"rendered":"\n

In the last two weeks, I\u2019ve cried more than in the previous five or seven years.<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

This is not to make some sort of dramatic statement, per se: it\u2019s simply a fact.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Sometimes it seems there are clear reasons to cry, and sometimes there\u2019s just crying out of nowhere and it surprises me.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I guess that since I\u2019ve allowed myself to go wherever my feelings take me, recently, the whole thing opened up, and it keeps doing so.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Emotional maintenance, long overdue.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The crying always seems close.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

In the background, patiently waiting.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It doesn\u2019t need a lot to get triggered.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A song.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A thought.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The grey sky.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Or the sun.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I cry when I feel the urge.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

One thing I\u2019ve noticed is that there are many different ways of crying.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Different ways, different sorts, different variations.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There\u2019s the crying at the end of a long build-up, the liberating culmination of a captivating story.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There\u2019s the crying that comes from my sore throat and takes away the burning sensation of throbbing pain.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There\u2019s the crying that almost explodes out of me, a short burst, or a series of bursts, like coughing or sneezing.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There\u2019s the crying that is there because I want it to.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There\u2019s the crying that I\u2019d rather not have in a particular moment, but I\u2019m loyal to my allowing so there\u2019s no pushing it back.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There\u2019s silent crying.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

And there\u2019s very loud, primal crying.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There\u2019s crying in almost silent sobs.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

And there\u2019s crying that makes me shake and twist.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

What strikes me is that most of these moments don\u2019t last very long.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Two seconds, three, sometimes five.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Now and then I cry a bit longer, but those extended ones consist of smaller portions of different variations.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Like a complex little symphony of sadness.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I\u2019m turning into a fan of crying.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It feels like honoring life and honoring me.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I\u2019m starting to like me.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

—<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

(Photo by @dearseymour, for Unsplash)<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

In the last two weeks, I\u2019ve cried more than in the previous five or seven years. This is not to make some sort of dramatic statement, per se: it\u2019s simply a fact. Sometimes it seems there are clear reasons to cry, and sometimes there\u2019s just crying out of nowhere and it surprises me. I guess […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":48188,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_et_pb_use_builder":"off","_et_pb_old_content":"","_et_gb_content_width":"","footnotes":""},"categories":[97,117,100,105,116,113,107,103,112],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-48187","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-wakkerworden","category-english","category-inzichten","category-liefde","category-persoonlijk","category-zingeving","category-relaties","category-spiritualiteit","category-eigenwijs"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/marnix.nl\/homepage\/welkom\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/48187","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/marnix.nl\/homepage\/welkom\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/marnix.nl\/homepage\/welkom\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/marnix.nl\/homepage\/welkom\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/marnix.nl\/homepage\/welkom\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=48187"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/marnix.nl\/homepage\/welkom\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/48187\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":48189,"href":"https:\/\/marnix.nl\/homepage\/welkom\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/48187\/revisions\/48189"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/marnix.nl\/homepage\/welkom\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/48188"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/marnix.nl\/homepage\/welkom\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=48187"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/marnix.nl\/homepage\/welkom\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=48187"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/marnix.nl\/homepage\/welkom\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=48187"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}