I\u2019ve noticed something really sweet, awesome, and helpful.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
In the last couple of days, I\u2019ve been looking into feeling more and expressing myself more, and being more honest, and I\u2019ve discovered a whole lot of stubborn bumps and half-closed doors and rusty gates while doing so.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
It’s hard.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Something inside of me is trying to prevent me from going there.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Something old, something obsolete but very powerful.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
It\u2019s like leaning forward on a set of stairs and deliberately trying to fall down: you will be stopped by something.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
The system says \u2018no\u2019.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I seem to have that with emotions, especially strong ones.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Especially ones that are about love, or when I feel simply overwhelmed and lost for words, instead of my normal smart-ass.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I want to lean into it, I am there now in my life, but something doesn\u2019t let me.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
So I simply state my intention.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I tell the person who is with me what I actually want to do.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I talk about the emotion and the feeling I\u2019d like to express, I introduce it, and somehow it feels like taking myself by the hand and going for it.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Sometimes it doesn\u2019t \u2018work\u2019 and I keep swaying and simply don\u2019t topple, but very often I get the same result as just sharing the emotion, by describing what I\u2019d like to do.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
And then I do it, that thing.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
The old door opens, or the gate squeaks.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Or I did it, already, in an alternative way, because I mentioned it before really doing it.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Somehow it feels safe.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u2018I want to help you but I don\u2019t know how.\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u2018I feel like crying now but the tears are hesitant.\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u2018I don\u2019t know what you need and I\u2019m not sure if I can give it, but I\u2019d like to try.\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u2018I have nothing for you right now, and I wish it was different, and maybe it will be different because I really want that.\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u2018I know I could be more available and present for you, and I\u2019m trying, and if it doesn\u2019t work right now please know that I did my best.\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n
‘I am deeply sad, but the sadness doesn’t want to show itself.’<\/p>\n\n\n\n
It almost feels like teaching a hesitant, scared kid that everything is alright.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
<\/p>\n\n\n\n
And I guess it is.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
<\/p>\n\n\n\n
—<\/p>\n\n\n\n
<\/p>\n\n\n\n
(Photo by @derekthomson, for Unsplash)<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
I\u2019ve noticed something really sweet, awesome, and helpful. In the last couple of days, I\u2019ve been looking into feeling more and expressing myself more, and being more honest, and I\u2019ve discovered a whole lot of stubborn bumps and half-closed doors and rusty gates while doing so. It’s hard. Something inside of me is trying to […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":48121,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_et_pb_use_builder":"off","_et_pb_old_content":"\n
I\u2019ve noticed something really sweet, awesome, and helpful.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
In the last couple of days, I\u2019ve been looking into feeling more and expressing myself more, and being more honest, and I\u2019ve discovered a whole lot of stubborn bumps and half-closed doors and rusty gates while doing so.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
It's hard.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Something inside of me is trying to pretend me from going there.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Something old, something obsolete but very powerful.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
It\u2019s like leaning forward on a set of stairs and deliberately trying to fall down: you will be stopped by something.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
The system says \u2018no\u2019.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I seem to have that with emotions, especially strong ones.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Especially ones that are about love, or when I feel simply overwhelmed and lost for words, instead of my normal smart-ass.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I want to lean into it, I am there now in my life, but something doesn\u2019t let me.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
So I simply state my intention.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I tell the person who is with me what I actually want to do.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I talk about the emotion and the feeling I\u2019d like to express, I introduce it, and somehow it feels like taking myself by the hand and going for it.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Sometimes it doesn\u2019t \u2018work\u2019 and I keep swaying and simply don\u2019t topple, but very often I get the same result as just sharing the emotion, by describing what I\u2019d like to do.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
And then I do it, that thing.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
The old door opens, or the gate squeaks.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Or I did it, already, in an alternative way, because I mentioned it before really doing it.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Somehow it feels safe.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u2018I want to help you but I don\u2019t know how.\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u2018I feel like crying now but the tears are hesitant.\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u2018I don\u2019t know what you need and I\u2019m not sure if I can give it, but I\u2019d like to try.\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u2018I have nothing for you right now, and I wish it was different, and maybe it will be different because I really want that.\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u2018I know I could be more available and present for you, and I\u2019m trying, and if it doesn\u2019t work right now please know that I did my best.\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n
'I am deeply sad, but the sadness doesn't want to show itself.'<\/p>\n\n\n\n
It almost feels like teaching a hesitant, scared kid that everything is alright.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
<\/p>\n\n\n\n
And I guess it is.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
<\/p>\n\n\n\n
--<\/p>\n\n\n\n
<\/p>\n\n\n\n
(Photo by @derekthomson, for Unsplash)<\/p>\n","_et_gb_content_width":""},"categories":[102,97,117,100,105,115,116,113,107,103,112],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/marnix.nl\/homepage\/welkom\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/48120"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/marnix.nl\/homepage\/welkom\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/marnix.nl\/homepage\/welkom\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/marnix.nl\/homepage\/welkom\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/marnix.nl\/homepage\/welkom\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=48120"}],"version-history":[{"count":4,"href":"https:\/\/marnix.nl\/homepage\/welkom\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/48120\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":50982,"href":"https:\/\/marnix.nl\/homepage\/welkom\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/48120\/revisions\/50982"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/marnix.nl\/homepage\/welkom\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/48121"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/marnix.nl\/homepage\/welkom\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=48120"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/marnix.nl\/homepage\/welkom\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=48120"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/marnix.nl\/homepage\/welkom\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=48120"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}