{"id":47864,"date":"2022-09-10T11:13:54","date_gmt":"2022-09-10T11:13:54","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/marnix.nl\/homepage\/welkom\/?p=47864"},"modified":"2022-09-10T11:15:15","modified_gmt":"2022-09-10T11:15:15","slug":"a-different-seeking","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/marnix.nl\/homepage\/welkom\/2022\/09\/10\/a-different-seeking\/","title":{"rendered":"A different seeking."},"content":{"rendered":"\n

\u2018Are you still a seeker?\u2019, she asked.<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

We\u2019d been talking on the phone about her confusing, dark life, and now touched upon the process of looking for liberation.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u2018In a way\u2019, I told her.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Because I still read many books and I still watch many videos.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I literally can\u2019t help it or stop it.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

But it\u2019s different now.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The seeking was way more desperate, like struggling for air in a tight container.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It felt like a matter of life and death.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A natural, undeniable obsession.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Some of that is still there.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It\u2019s still somewhat obsessive, an inner drive the Marnix person can\u2019t deny, but it comes closer to tying loose ends.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Many of them, that is.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I already know very well what it feels like to be lived, I\u2019m familiar with the experience of Oneness, and I know, from years of waking up more and more, that the I is a perfect illusion, and there\u2019s actually nothing to be done.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

This makes complete sense, and it has changed everything, and it keeps changing more, and more, and more.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Just imagine living on firm ground, knowing that to be a fact in every fiber, even if everything seems to be shaking profoundly.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

To feel connected to something that is actually really you, but feels like the subtlest, infinite power.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It\u2019s all there, and sometimes it\u2019s not.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Or it SEEMS it\u2019s not, because everything is always everything.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

And then seeking might happen.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The deep wish to drive it home even more.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

That’s still going on, sometimes more than other times.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There’s still laughing hysterically in the morning, then crying in a corner in the afternoon.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Drama, messy stuff, but… without the hopelessness.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

And SO much less personal.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It feels like being blessed, generally, deeply, while still forgetting that, many times.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Seeking is not the seeking it used to be.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Most of the time it\u2019s much more playful, about satisfying curiosity and filling up my coaching story box.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It\u2019s like building a juicy collection of metaphors and tales and examples I can use to explain the exact same thing in a thousand different ways.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

And it\u2019s, of course, a form of acknowledgment.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The human being in the story needs to be comforted.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The apparent mind has to be soothed, at least sometimes.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

In the last couple of years, the seeking has become more celebratory than arising from despair.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The same movement, but nothing like it used to be.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u2018I\u2019d like that, I\u2019d like that very much\u2019, she said.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

And I couldn\u2019t agree more.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

—<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

(Photo by @valentinbetanqr, for Unsplash)<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

\u2018Are you still a seeker?\u2019, she asked. We\u2019d been talking on the phone about her confusing, dark life, and now touched upon the process of looking for liberation. \u2018In a way\u2019, I told her. Because I still read many books and I still watch many videos. I literally can\u2019t help it or stop it. But […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":47865,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_et_pb_use_builder":"off","_et_pb_old_content":"","_et_gb_content_width":""},"categories":[99,102,97,96,117,100,116,113,107,103,112],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/marnix.nl\/homepage\/welkom\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/47864"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/marnix.nl\/homepage\/welkom\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/marnix.nl\/homepage\/welkom\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/marnix.nl\/homepage\/welkom\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/marnix.nl\/homepage\/welkom\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=47864"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"https:\/\/marnix.nl\/homepage\/welkom\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/47864\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":47867,"href":"https:\/\/marnix.nl\/homepage\/welkom\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/47864\/revisions\/47867"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/marnix.nl\/homepage\/welkom\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/47865"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/marnix.nl\/homepage\/welkom\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=47864"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/marnix.nl\/homepage\/welkom\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=47864"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/marnix.nl\/homepage\/welkom\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=47864"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}