{"id":47798,"date":"2022-09-04T12:08:54","date_gmt":"2022-09-04T12:08:54","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/marnix.nl\/homepage\/welkom\/?p=47798"},"modified":"2022-09-04T12:08:59","modified_gmt":"2022-09-04T12:08:59","slug":"angry-fingers","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/marnix.nl\/homepage\/welkom\/2022\/09\/04\/angry-fingers\/","title":{"rendered":"Angry fingers."},"content":{"rendered":"\n

I\u2019m writing my journal.<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

It\u2019s not easy.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I\u2019m SO angry right now that my capacity to type is heavily obstructed.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Normally, my blind typing is absolutely first-class, like the best you can find in the world of blind typing.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I\u2019ve been doing it for decades and used it day in and day out.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Books, blogs, advertising copy, songs, poems.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Typing, typing, typing.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

But not now.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

My fingers are fat with fury.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Thick, heavy, dense, rude, awkward.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I constantly touch the wrong keys.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I press two keys at the same time.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I remove too many letters when I bang the backspace key with absolute rage.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It\u2019s a fucking mess.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

And I can\u2019t help but write:…<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Fuck.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Fuck.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Fuck.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

FUCK.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I don\u2019t journal to express my gratitude, or to get what I want.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

My journal acts as a mirror of wisdom, a silent friend, something that helps me sift through the thought storms.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When the dust settles, there\u2019s always stuff that soothes me, clarifies shit, and acts as a way to find relief.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The journal is not supposed to become a book.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I never go back in time and read old shit.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It\u2019s there for me to vent and to vomit.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

To dream out loud, bold, fierce, big, merciless.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

To reflect.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

To not think and just spill.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It\u2019s hardly ever beautiful or polished.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It\u2019s as direct as direct can be.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

And often painfully repetitive.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Fingers translate the fleeting, messy, temporary importance of the moment.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It\u2019s a good place to lose my mind.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

And now, right now, it\u2019s a testament to my restlessness and agitation, like running around a playground full of torture contraptions.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I\u2019m totally getting in my own way.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Tripping over my fingers.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Bashing the keyboard.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A clumsy, aggressive, primal dance.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It\u2019s not easy.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

And it’s not pretty.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

But I must say it\u2019s pretty fascinating.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

—<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

(Photo by @shots_of_aspartame, for Unsplash)<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

I\u2019m writing my journal. It\u2019s not easy. I\u2019m SO angry right now that my capacity to type is heavily obstructed. Normally, my blind typing is absolutely first-class, like the best you can find in the world of blind typing. I\u2019ve been doing it for decades and used it day in and day out. Books, blogs, […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":47799,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_et_pb_use_builder":"off","_et_pb_old_content":"","_et_gb_content_width":""},"categories":[99,102,97,117,100,115,116,113,107,103],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/marnix.nl\/homepage\/welkom\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/47798"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/marnix.nl\/homepage\/welkom\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/marnix.nl\/homepage\/welkom\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/marnix.nl\/homepage\/welkom\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/marnix.nl\/homepage\/welkom\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=47798"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/marnix.nl\/homepage\/welkom\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/47798\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":47800,"href":"https:\/\/marnix.nl\/homepage\/welkom\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/47798\/revisions\/47800"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/marnix.nl\/homepage\/welkom\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/47799"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/marnix.nl\/homepage\/welkom\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=47798"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/marnix.nl\/homepage\/welkom\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=47798"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/marnix.nl\/homepage\/welkom\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=47798"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}