{"id":47638,"date":"2022-08-05T14:44:05","date_gmt":"2022-08-05T14:44:05","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/marnix.nl\/homepage\/welkom\/?p=47638"},"modified":"2022-08-05T14:44:15","modified_gmt":"2022-08-05T14:44:15","slug":"always-on-the-edge","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/marnix.nl\/homepage\/welkom\/2022\/08\/05\/always-on-the-edge\/","title":{"rendered":"Always on the edge."},"content":{"rendered":"\n<p class=\"has-medium-font-size\"><strong>I used to be very, very fragile.<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Mentally.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>The reason I mention it is because life just reminded me of that.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>I was walking down the street when this mild feeling of dread, of nonsensical sadness, came up, and I instantly dropped it.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Automatically.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>\u2018Thanks for the suggestion, interesting choice, but no thanks, okay?\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>It just happened, for me.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>And I moved on.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>But in that instance, I not just realized how this is instantly taken care of most of the time now, but I also knew how often I\u2019ve been completely fucked over by these random emotional openings.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>The slightest bit of doubt, fear, or restlessness, could tip me over.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>And from there, the dominoes of woe (woeminoes?) had no trouble falling for the rest of the day, into the night.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>I\u2019m not talking about suppressing emotions and all that stuff.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>I\u2019m talking about options that once weren\u2019t there.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>In the past, it used to feel as if I was dragging a bottomless abyss behind me that pulled me in, again and again, day after day.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Like living in a store full of misery, where I was the only customer.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>And now the blinds are open, the light keeps pouring in, and the shelves are stocked with fresh joy and fun and awesome stories.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>I talk about consciousness and awareness ALL the time, and this is one of the reasons.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>It changes lives beyond recognition, and the changes keep coming.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>It\u2019s a really good thing that that same overwhelming sense of clarity sometimes reminds me of how it used to be.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Fragile.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Can you hear me whistle?<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>&#8212;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>(Photo by @marekpiwnicki, for Unsplash)<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>I used to be very, very fragile. Mentally. The reason I mention it is because life just reminded me of that. I was walking down the street when this mild feeling of dread, of nonsensical sadness, came up, and I instantly dropped it. Automatically. \u2018Thanks for the suggestion, interesting choice, but no thanks, okay?\u2019 It [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":47639,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_et_pb_use_builder":"off","_et_pb_old_content":"","_et_gb_content_width":""},"categories":[99,102,97,117,100,105,116,113,103,112],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/marnix.nl\/homepage\/welkom\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/47638"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/marnix.nl\/homepage\/welkom\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/marnix.nl\/homepage\/welkom\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/marnix.nl\/homepage\/welkom\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/marnix.nl\/homepage\/welkom\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=47638"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/marnix.nl\/homepage\/welkom\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/47638\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":47640,"href":"https:\/\/marnix.nl\/homepage\/welkom\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/47638\/revisions\/47640"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/marnix.nl\/homepage\/welkom\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/47639"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/marnix.nl\/homepage\/welkom\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=47638"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/marnix.nl\/homepage\/welkom\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=47638"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/marnix.nl\/homepage\/welkom\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=47638"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}