{"id":46572,"date":"2022-04-22T11:19:11","date_gmt":"2022-04-22T11:19:11","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/marnix.nl\/homepage\/welkom\/?p=46572"},"modified":"2022-04-22T11:19:14","modified_gmt":"2022-04-22T11:19:14","slug":"stop-being-the-problem-solver","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/marnix.nl\/homepage\/welkom\/2022\/04\/22\/stop-being-the-problem-solver\/","title":{"rendered":"Stop being the problem solver."},"content":{"rendered":"\n

I always say that I don\u2019t do tips, but I\u2019ll share one anyway.<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

This is an insight I had this morning that landed deeper than ever before (like really good ones do), and though I know that they are very personal, this one feels quite universal.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So\u2026<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u2018If you meet with a person who is in trouble and freaked out about it, don\u2019t be concerned with finding the solution.\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n

That\u2019s the tip.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Let me expand.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

For most of my life, I have been in a fierce problem-solving mode.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

For myself AND for others.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Whenever I found myself in a situation that felt riddled with challenges, I immediately started to look for solutions and actions.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

And although it\u2019s a really human and normal thing to do, and obviously has its place in life, it\u2019s not per se the most practical or helpful.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Here\u2019s the thing: when a person comes to you with a problem or a challenge, what they really want is not the answer to their question.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

What they want is to feel safe, to know that it will be okay, to have the notion that it\u2019s not the end of the world.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

They want to experience the space of being alright.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

They just want to feel okay again, instead of lost.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If all you do is try to find the solution, you will probably get caught up in all kinds of (old) personal experiences and ideas and answers.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You start guessing, throwing possibilities at them, hoping one of them will stick.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

And sometimes they do, that\u2019s why we keep doing it.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

But you don\u2019t have to go there.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You don\u2019t have to get it right, solve it, or fix it.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Just remember what the person in front of you is REALLY looking for.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Let them talk and vent and rant, let the storm die down.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Let their minds erupt and in the meantime, find that place within you that they are looking for.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Stay calm, relaxed, almost detached.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Don\u2019t try to be like them: hysterically trying to find the next step, the next thing to do, the way out.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Don\u2019t get infected with their raging and anxious energy.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Somewhere along the line people will slow down again.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Always.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Guide them there.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Be in that place, that state, for them, so they can unconsciously tune in.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Focus on the space.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

And when the mind that was in a state of panic finally slows down, the world starts to look different.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

This is where the light starts seeping in again.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The extra cool thing about taking people to a place of peacefulness instead of guessing what the next step in their lives should be, is that it\u2019s a really creative space.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Often when people feel less caught up in their minds, when life doesn\u2019t seem as complicated and dangerous anymore, answers and solutions start to bubble up organically.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

This is a very natural thing, and natural and easy always works better than forced and stale (like suggesting your old solutions).<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Don\u2019t get caught up in trying to figure it out, or to be brilliant, because there\u2019s already one person doing that.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

True resourcefulness is found in a clear mind.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Solutions and answers and opportunities always arise, somewhere along the line.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It\u2019s just a matter of time.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

And that is really good to know.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

—<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

(Photo by @raduflorin, for Unsplash)<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

I always say that I don\u2019t do tips, but I\u2019ll share one anyway. This is an insight I had this morning that landed deeper than ever before (like really good ones do), and though I know that they are very personal, this one feels quite universal. So\u2026 \u2018If you meet with a person who is […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":46573,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_et_pb_use_builder":"off","_et_pb_old_content":"","_et_gb_content_width":""},"categories":[102,97,96,117,100,115,116,113,107,103,112],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/marnix.nl\/homepage\/welkom\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/46572"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/marnix.nl\/homepage\/welkom\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/marnix.nl\/homepage\/welkom\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/marnix.nl\/homepage\/welkom\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/marnix.nl\/homepage\/welkom\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=46572"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/marnix.nl\/homepage\/welkom\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/46572\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":46574,"href":"https:\/\/marnix.nl\/homepage\/welkom\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/46572\/revisions\/46574"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/marnix.nl\/homepage\/welkom\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/46573"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/marnix.nl\/homepage\/welkom\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=46572"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/marnix.nl\/homepage\/welkom\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=46572"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/marnix.nl\/homepage\/welkom\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=46572"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}