{"id":46473,"date":"2022-04-02T14:44:33","date_gmt":"2022-04-02T14:44:33","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/marnix.nl\/homepage\/welkom\/?p=46473"},"modified":"2022-04-02T14:44:36","modified_gmt":"2022-04-02T14:44:36","slug":"trouble-in-paradise","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/marnix.nl\/homepage\/welkom\/2022\/04\/02\/trouble-in-paradise\/","title":{"rendered":"Trouble in paradise."},"content":{"rendered":"\n

I have failed.<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Big time.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I was supposed to hermit the fuck down, go deep within for at least a couple of weeks, and return triumphantly, more enlightened and alive than ever.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I was very much ready for a spiritual hibernation.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Instead, I got sick, tripped over a thousand YouTube videos (most of them left me totally empty), overthought just about everything in life, started five courses and over twenty books, and was angry most of the time.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Uhu.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Here\u2019s the thing: I am a hopeless romantic.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A sucker for stories.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The idea of spending quality time with myself (or, even better: with Self!), descending into delicious truth, becoming an island of peace in a sea of madness, is highly attractive.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Taking time off from social media, doing nothing but being, letting the intelligence behind life gently sway me into bliss, stuff like that.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Getting new ideas.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Feeling refreshed, inspired, lighter, more capable.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Coming back with an even bigger zest for life.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Reconnecting to the magic.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

YEAH!<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Stuff like that.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Yeah.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Nope.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Instead, I was frantically looking for surrender and acceptance in all the wrong places.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Searching for emptiness, and, within that emptiness, Absolute Truth.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Like a VIP dark night of the soul, comfortably suffering.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A spiritual 5-star holiday.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I failed.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

And I have been there before.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The hermit thing, the Off The Social Grid phenomenon.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Going Deeper To Get Higher.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Ugh.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Why do we have to learn the same lessons over and over and over again?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

How come we know stuff and a minute later, we know absolutely nothing?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Why do we keep searching for things that are in plain sight?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

And why do we fall for the false promises of the mind, not once, but just about always?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There is nothing wrong with now, until we start to doubt that.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Which we do.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Which I did.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Over and over again.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So now what?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I don\u2019t know.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Maybe I should tie up this blog into a clever conclusion.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Something deep.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A cool, shareable lesson.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A juicy, powerful learning.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

But what if I don\u2019t?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

—<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

(Photo by @tobiastu, for Unsplash)<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

I have failed. Big time. I was supposed to hermit the fuck down, go deep within for at least a couple of weeks, and return triumphantly, more enlightened and alive than ever. I was very much ready for a spiritual hibernation. Instead, I got sick, tripped over a thousand YouTube videos (most of them left […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":46474,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_et_pb_use_builder":"off","_et_pb_old_content":"","_et_gb_content_width":""},"categories":[97,117,100,116,113,103,112],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/marnix.nl\/homepage\/welkom\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/46473"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/marnix.nl\/homepage\/welkom\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/marnix.nl\/homepage\/welkom\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/marnix.nl\/homepage\/welkom\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/marnix.nl\/homepage\/welkom\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=46473"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/marnix.nl\/homepage\/welkom\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/46473\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":46475,"href":"https:\/\/marnix.nl\/homepage\/welkom\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/46473\/revisions\/46475"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/marnix.nl\/homepage\/welkom\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/46474"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/marnix.nl\/homepage\/welkom\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=46473"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/marnix.nl\/homepage\/welkom\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=46473"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/marnix.nl\/homepage\/welkom\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=46473"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}