{"id":46424,"date":"2022-03-06T16:55:12","date_gmt":"2022-03-06T16:55:12","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/marnix.nl\/homepage\/welkom\/?p=46424"},"modified":"2022-03-06T16:55:16","modified_gmt":"2022-03-06T16:55:16","slug":"longing-to-be-swept-away","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/marnix.nl\/homepage\/welkom\/2022\/03\/06\/longing-to-be-swept-away\/","title":{"rendered":"Longing to be swept away."},"content":{"rendered":"\n

Maybe.<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Maybe I have been devastated so often by the ending of relationships, and the agonizing aftermath, that I covered up my heart.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

And ignored that simple fact.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Maybe.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Maybe I was SO afraid to fully love just for the sake of it, that I\u2019d rather pretend I don\u2019t need it, because needing it would be too painful.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Can we even do that?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Can we make those choices?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Can we really lock up and throw away the key?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Can we bury something so deep that it seems like it was never there?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I have been listening to romantic songs all day long and I am completely swept away.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I realize I miss this so much.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The uncertainty of being in love.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The insanity of the first few months.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The explosions of sparks that hit you and leave you speechless.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

And how you go about these special early days, shamelessly radiating joy and elation, constantly drifting, flying, flowing.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Maybe I have been so deeply hurt for so long and for so many times, that I secretly made up reasons not to go there anymore.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Maybe.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Can we do that?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

No more hopeless pain of a breakup, no more devastating disappointment, no more future taken away.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Completely lost in waves of sadness.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

How can you get through the day if the only person on your mind is no longer in your presence?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When they are in your heart the moment you wake up.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When you get up.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

And all the hours after that, all the seconds after that, deep into the night, when you can\u2019t fall asleep because the unfinished story of you and her is stuck in your throat.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

But I realized I miss it, fiercely.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The glorious messiness of fresh courtship.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Not the healthy and grounded elements, not the \u2018You have to love yourself first\u2019 stuff, not the sane and grown-up part, but the wild naivety, the overwhelming sweetness, the feeling of a thousand violins playing inside of you, like a personal theme song.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I miss falling into it no matter what, just like that.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Surrendering to the unknown, the childlike bliss, the fearlessness.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

In recent years my life has turned for the best.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

My mind has settled, my luck has changed.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

All is well.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

And maybe, maybe, it\u2019s time.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Maybe.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

—<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

(Photo by @dani_franco, for Unsplash)<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Maybe. Maybe I have been devastated so often by the ending of relationships, and the agonizing aftermath, that I covered up my heart. And ignored that simple fact. Maybe. Maybe I was SO afraid to fully love just for the sake of it, that I\u2019d rather pretend I don\u2019t need it, because needing it would […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":46425,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_et_pb_use_builder":"off","_et_pb_old_content":"","_et_gb_content_width":""},"categories":[97,117,100,105,116,113,107,103,112],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/marnix.nl\/homepage\/welkom\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/46424"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/marnix.nl\/homepage\/welkom\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/marnix.nl\/homepage\/welkom\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/marnix.nl\/homepage\/welkom\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/marnix.nl\/homepage\/welkom\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=46424"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/marnix.nl\/homepage\/welkom\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/46424\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":46426,"href":"https:\/\/marnix.nl\/homepage\/welkom\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/46424\/revisions\/46426"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/marnix.nl\/homepage\/welkom\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/46425"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/marnix.nl\/homepage\/welkom\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=46424"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/marnix.nl\/homepage\/welkom\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=46424"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/marnix.nl\/homepage\/welkom\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=46424"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}