{"id":32303,"date":"2021-06-17T14:53:41","date_gmt":"2021-06-17T14:53:41","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/marnix.nl\/homepage\/welkom\/?p=32303"},"modified":"2021-06-17T15:01:53","modified_gmt":"2021-06-17T15:01:53","slug":"deleting-habits","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/marnix.nl\/homepage\/welkom\/2021\/06\/17\/deleting-habits\/","title":{"rendered":"Deleting habits."},"content":{"rendered":"
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Today I censored myself.<\/span><\/h3>\n<\/div>\n
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I don\u2019t do it very often, but I deleted a story an hour after posting it.<\/span><\/div>\n<\/div>\n
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It wasn\u2019t because of specific responses, and it also wasn\u2019t because I changed my mind about the topic, but I just realized in the aftermath of publishing that I don\u2019t want to send out any kind of negative energy anymore.<\/span><\/div>\n<\/div>\n
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Not even the slightest bit.<\/span><\/div>\n<\/div>\n
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No more whining, no more victimhood, no more passive-aggressive shit, no more blaming other people, no more looking for love and attention in all the wrong places.<\/span><\/div>\n<\/div>\n
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Now this isn\u2019t particularly easy for me, believe me, but it\u2019s something I just HAVE to do.<\/span><\/div>\n<\/div>\n
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When it comes to the nature of the stuff I want to post in particular and the way I want to be in the world in general, the bar has been raised to a ridiculous altitude.<\/span><\/div>\n<\/div>\n
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It\u2019s almost invisibly high up there.<\/span><\/div>\n<\/div>\n
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But I have to.<\/span><\/div>\n<\/div>\n
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Of course I realize that I am totally doing this to myself, but it feels like the right thing to do.<\/span><\/div>\n<\/div>\n
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The only thing to do.<\/span><\/div>\n<\/div>\n
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It feels like it’s my responsibility and my vocation to bring good stuff and good stuff only to this confused world.<\/span><\/div>\n<\/div>\n
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It is the mere reason for my materialization, my incarnation, my realization.<\/span><\/div>\n<\/div>\n
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Not because lashing out or being critical or judgmental is bad, per se, but because I feel that it\u2019s not part of how I want to be in life anymore.<\/span><\/div>\n<\/div>\n
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How do I know?<\/span><\/div>\n<\/div>\n
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I just do.<\/span><\/div>\n<\/div>\n
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After decades of attempts to hurt and punish myself, I\u2019ve found my direction, my mission.<\/span><\/div>\n<\/div>\n
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I just know what is right and wrong to emanate, at least for me, and I\u2019ll do whatever I can to stop those wrongs from happening.<\/span><\/div>\n<\/div>\n
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It kinda sucks, but it\u2019s mostly pretty cool.<\/span><\/div>\n<\/div>\n
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It will make things easier and simpler and more powerful, eventually.<\/span><\/div>\n<\/div>\n
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It will keep me close to love and kindness and all the other radiant members of the Happy Family.<\/span><\/div>\n<\/div>\n
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I just know.<\/span><\/div>\n<\/div>\n
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Today I was reminded of how I want to live, and who I want to be.<\/span><\/div>\n<\/div>\n
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And I took the freedom to shut myself up.<\/span><\/div>\n<\/div>\n
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Feels pretty good.<\/span><\/div>\n<\/div>\n
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\u00a0<\/span><\/div>\n<\/div>\n
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—<\/span><\/div>\n<\/div>\n
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\u00a0<\/span><\/div>\n<\/div>\n
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(Photo by @ewxy, for Unsplash)<\/span><\/div>\n<\/div>\n
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<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Today I censored myself. I don\u2019t do it very often, but I deleted a story an hour after posting it. It wasn\u2019t because of specific responses, and it also wasn\u2019t because I changed my mind about the topic, but I just realized in the aftermath of publishing that I don\u2019t want to send out any […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":32304,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_et_pb_use_builder":"","_et_pb_old_content":"","_et_gb_content_width":""},"categories":[97,117,100,116,113,103,112],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/marnix.nl\/homepage\/welkom\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/32303"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/marnix.nl\/homepage\/welkom\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/marnix.nl\/homepage\/welkom\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/marnix.nl\/homepage\/welkom\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/marnix.nl\/homepage\/welkom\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=32303"}],"version-history":[{"count":3,"href":"https:\/\/marnix.nl\/homepage\/welkom\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/32303\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":32308,"href":"https:\/\/marnix.nl\/homepage\/welkom\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/32303\/revisions\/32308"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/marnix.nl\/homepage\/welkom\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/32304"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/marnix.nl\/homepage\/welkom\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=32303"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/marnix.nl\/homepage\/welkom\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=32303"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/marnix.nl\/homepage\/welkom\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=32303"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}