{"id":31813,"date":"2021-05-23T10:47:46","date_gmt":"2021-05-23T10:47:46","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/marnix.nl\/homepage\/welkom\/?p=31813"},"modified":"2021-05-23T10:47:47","modified_gmt":"2021-05-23T10:47:47","slug":"way-better-than-positive-thinking","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/marnix.nl\/homepage\/welkom\/2021\/05\/23\/way-better-than-positive-thinking\/","title":{"rendered":"WAY better than positive thinking."},"content":{"rendered":"\n

What really, really helped me in life wasn\u2019t positive thinking.<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

The concept is pretty cool (happy and optimistic thoughts feel better and more expansive, obviously), but I have never been able to turn it into a consistent thing.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

And neither has anybody I ever met.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Because we can\u2019t, as far as I know.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Thinking, especially the non-stop mental commentary about everything (which means: us in relationship to others, but mostly to ourselves), just happens.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It\u2019s like software that is specially created just to have (random) output about everything and nothing all the time.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If positive thinking was a real thing, a practical, doable thing, it would mean you’d have to formulate and produce all your thoughts deliberately\u2026 before you think them.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

How would that even work?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Would you sit down in the morning and create a minute-by-minute schedule for everything you\u2019re going to think that day?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Would you make a detailed list of the 60 to 70.000 thoughts you have each day, in the exact order they\u2019re supposed to appear?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Of course not.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Positive thinking makes a lot of sense, in theory, but we simply can\u2019t do it in a way that is easy and sustainable and, well, humanly possible.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

But there\u2019s something we CAN do that will eventually have the same result.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

And it\u2019s actually the opposite of positive thinking, sort of:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It’s quitting the habit of negative thinking.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It\u2019s intercepting your shitty trains of thought before they start to fuck you up.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It\u2019s becoming aware of the diminishing monologues in your head, and then let them pass.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It\u2019s not engaging in passive-aggressive mental masturbation sessions anymore, it\u2019s not putting fuel on the smoldering little stories of lack and misery that your mind tends to come up with.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It\u2019s becoming VERY clear about the thoughts that arise within you, and then just show them the way out.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Without force.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You can\u2019t truly stop them (because every thought you think is already there), but you\u2019ll find that the whole playing field starts to change.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

And the not-helpful ones will just stop arising as much.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A negative thought is just like a sponsored message you don\u2019t really care about.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You don\u2019t have to do anything with it.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You don\u2019t have to fight with it.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You don’t have to hate it.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You most definitely don\u2019t have to make it into something personal.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

And the less caught up you are in these tight loops of doubt and fear and worry and anger, the better and more powerful you feel.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The quicker you catch the thoughts you\u2019re not interested in, the less momentum they will build, and they won\u2019t stick as much and as long as they used to do.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Over time, and I\u2019ve seen it not just in my life but in the lives of many others too, the tone and the energy and even the pace of your thinking starts to change.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You get more peaceful, less wound up.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You give up on being right all the time, on complaining and moaning and blaming and bickering, because you start to realize that\u2019s just a waste of your precious time.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I used to think and believe hateful, angry and other devastating thoughts ALL the time, and now they are fairly rare.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It\u2019s like I trained my mind to kick back and relax.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

This means that quitting the habit of basking in your negative thought streams will eventually give you the result you wanted in the first place.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You\u2019ll think less and less and less, in general, and your thoughts become more and more caring, and uplifting, and hopeful, and empathic, and creative.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

More positive, WAY more positive.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

And whenever negative thoughts try to fight their way back into your awareness, you just gently brush them off.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Just like that.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So start today, start now.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Stop indulging in the shitty thoughts and ideas and projections that have got nothing to do with you in the first place.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Play with it, stay curious, and see what happens.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Whenever hurtful or diminishing or judgmental thoughts come up, just stop.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Stop following them.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Stop dealing with them.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Stop making them personal (because they aren\u2019t).<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Stop making them more than the tiny waft of energy they are.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Stop.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Wait.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Watch.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Repeat.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

And realize the enormous freedom, the incredible change that comes from not engaging.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You have a choice, you really do.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Stop turning imagination into pain and sorrow.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Stop.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It might be the most positive thing you\u2019ve ever done.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

—<\/p>\n\n\n\n

(Photo by @thomasbennie, for Unsplash)<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

What really, really helped me in life wasn\u2019t positive thinking. The concept is pretty cool (happy and optimistic thoughts feel better and more expansive, obviously), but I have never been able to turn it into a consistent thing. And neither has anybody I ever met. Because we can\u2019t, as far as I know. Thinking, especially […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":31814,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_et_pb_use_builder":"","_et_pb_old_content":"","_et_gb_content_width":""},"categories":[99,97,117,100,116,113,103],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/marnix.nl\/homepage\/welkom\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/31813"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/marnix.nl\/homepage\/welkom\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/marnix.nl\/homepage\/welkom\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/marnix.nl\/homepage\/welkom\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/marnix.nl\/homepage\/welkom\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=31813"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/marnix.nl\/homepage\/welkom\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/31813\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":31815,"href":"https:\/\/marnix.nl\/homepage\/welkom\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/31813\/revisions\/31815"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/marnix.nl\/homepage\/welkom\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/31814"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/marnix.nl\/homepage\/welkom\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=31813"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/marnix.nl\/homepage\/welkom\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=31813"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/marnix.nl\/homepage\/welkom\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=31813"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}