{"id":31212,"date":"2021-03-20T12:32:17","date_gmt":"2021-03-20T12:32:17","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/marnix.nl\/homepage\/welkom\/?p=31212"},"modified":"2021-03-20T12:32:17","modified_gmt":"2021-03-20T12:32:17","slug":"not-guilty","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/marnix.nl\/homepage\/welkom\/2021\/03\/20\/not-guilty\/","title":{"rendered":"Not guilty."},"content":{"rendered":"
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There\u2019s always a reason to feel guilty.<\/span><\/h3>\n<\/div>\n
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You feel too good.<\/span><\/div>\n<\/div>\n
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Or too bad.<\/span><\/div>\n<\/div>\n
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Or worse than you should.<\/span><\/div>\n<\/div>\n
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Maybe somewhere in between.<\/span><\/div>\n<\/div>\n
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Or you don\u2019t feel anything at all.<\/span><\/div>\n<\/div>\n
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And you blame yourself for all of it.<\/span><\/div>\n<\/div>\n
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I know I did.<\/span><\/div>\n<\/div>\n
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One of my biggest guilt trips was around \u2018feeling detached\u2019.<\/span><\/div>\n<\/div>\n
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I was very detached.<\/span><\/div>\n<\/div>\n
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Which meant \u2018too cold and unemotional\u2019.<\/span><\/div>\n<\/div>\n
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And \u2018not involved enough\u2019.<\/span><\/div>\n<\/div>\n
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Or \u2018totally avoiding and in denial\u2019.<\/span><\/div>\n<\/div>\n
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And sometimes \u2018just plain fucking arrogant\u2019.<\/span><\/div>\n<\/div>\n
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I was like a half human being.<\/span><\/div>\n<\/div>\n
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A guilty one.<\/span><\/div>\n<\/div>\n
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So I was looking for attachment.<\/span><\/div>\n<\/div>\n
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Directness.<\/span><\/div>\n<\/div>\n
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Skin in the game.<\/span><\/div>\n<\/div>\n
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Needles in the eyeballs.<\/span><\/div>\n<\/div>\n
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No more hanging out in the safety zone.<\/span><\/div>\n<\/div>\n
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But then I realized \u2018I can never be TOO detached\u2019.<\/span><\/div>\n<\/div>\n
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I can never be TOO anything (or NOT ENOUGH anything for that matter).<\/span><\/div>\n<\/div>\n
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Outside the mind there\u2019s no such thing.<\/span><\/div>\n<\/div>\n
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And the mind is full of shit anyway.<\/span><\/div>\n<\/div>\n
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Oh, man, the relief.<\/span><\/div>\n<\/div>\n
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To open the window and say<\/span><\/div>\n<\/div>\n
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\u2018Bye bye guilt!\u2019<\/span><\/div>\n<\/div>\n
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And of course the guilt, this well-trained monkey, tried one more time.<\/span><\/div>\n<\/div>\n
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To make me feel guilty about not feeling guilty.<\/span><\/div>\n<\/div>\n
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Yeah right.<\/span><\/div>\n<\/div>\n
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Bye!<\/span><\/div>\n<\/div>\n
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\u00a0<\/span><\/div>\n<\/div>\n
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—<\/span><\/div>\n<\/div>\n
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\u00a0<\/span><\/div>\n<\/div>\n
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(Photo by @kmitchhodge, for Unsplash)<\/span><\/div>\n<\/div>\n
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<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

There\u2019s always a reason to feel guilty. You feel too good. Or too bad. Or worse than you should. Maybe somewhere in between. Or you don\u2019t feel anything at all. And you blame yourself for all of it. I know I did. One of my biggest guilt trips was around \u2018feeling detached\u2019. I was very […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":31213,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_et_pb_use_builder":"","_et_pb_old_content":"","_et_gb_content_width":""},"categories":[99,97,117,100,116,113,103],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/marnix.nl\/homepage\/welkom\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/31212"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/marnix.nl\/homepage\/welkom\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/marnix.nl\/homepage\/welkom\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/marnix.nl\/homepage\/welkom\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/marnix.nl\/homepage\/welkom\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=31212"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/marnix.nl\/homepage\/welkom\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/31212\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":31214,"href":"https:\/\/marnix.nl\/homepage\/welkom\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/31212\/revisions\/31214"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/marnix.nl\/homepage\/welkom\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/31213"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/marnix.nl\/homepage\/welkom\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=31212"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/marnix.nl\/homepage\/welkom\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=31212"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/marnix.nl\/homepage\/welkom\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=31212"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}